Sticks and Stones
Originally published in Light Magazine.
Teaching our kids how to let God’s Truth speak louder than playground words
At some point during the school year our kids will come home with a story and some tears over name calling. In Kindergarten my daughter asked me if she was fat. She's in grade four now and the unkind words that fly break my heart. When my son was in Kindergarten he refused to participate in gym, asking me why he wasn’t as good at sports as the other boys. Now in grade three, he will occasionally come home hurt that the game he suggested at recess was deemed “boring.”
According to a 2025 report published by Children First Canada, over 70% of Canadian youth aged 12 to 17 experienced bullying in the past year. A similarly themed report from Statistics Canada says verbal insults are most frequently experienced, at 59% of all bullying incidents. While name-calling and teasing is common in childhood, that doesn’t make it okay.
Our kids attend a Christian private school that's among the highest ranked in our province (BC). The education is excellent and the teachers and staff deeply care for students and our school community. Time and again we've seen them respond to bullying swiftly and support students in peaceful reconciliation. We know our children are safe and loved at our school. Even so, in an environment where God's Word is taught, sticks and stones and twisted words break more than bones.
In their study on solutions for bullying, Canadian psychologists Wendy Craig and Debra Pepler emphasize that, over time, parents should focus on helping their children develop strong self-esteem and confidence. Verbal jousting loses its power when a kid knows they were made on purpose, for a purpose.
My husband and I are in agreement that we cannot rely solely on church and school to teach our children how to guard their hearts, minds and words. Kids need to be equipped at home by adults who love them dearly.
Romans 12:2 says Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
How do we let God’s truth speak louder than what our kids hear on the playground? By teaching our children how to renew their minds in His Word.
One of the things I’ve been trying is a five minute exercise where we break down a verse, word by word, to unpack meaning and discern truth. Memorizing Scripture is good, but too often occurs without understanding. I want to help my kids take memorization a step further.
Take Psalm 139:14 for example: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I ask: If God’s works are wonderful, what does that make you? (I am God's work; I am wonderful.) Why are you fearfully and wonderfully made? (Because God made me.) What does fearfully mean in this verse? (We are reverent and awed by our creation and our Maker, rather than being afraid.)
Pastor Rick Warren in his series “Talking to Kids About Stuff that Matters” tackles the topic of bullying. When a child is being bullied, he says it's important that he or she remembers who they are.
“What is your identity?” Pastor Rick asks. “You are a son or daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. You are part of God's family. You were created in the image of God. And God loves you. And God made you for a purpose.”
I want my children to grow up in the security and confidence of being in a body and having a mind that God made uniquely for them. And they need to know that we as parents believe in God's Word and rely on God’s truth for our own security and confidence. That means reading our Bibles together and talking about God's Word regularly at home.
My kids aren't wholly innocent in the name calling game–frustration has led them to hurl insults at one another at home. They admit to us the unkind words spoken in retaliation to peers at school. Renewing their minds also means learning to apply God’s truth to their ‘enemies’ too.
Lately, we've been talking with our kids about how comparison can steal joy. We remind them that God made their body and mind on purpose, for His purpose, and everything that God makes is good. Comparing yourself to your sibling or friend ignores the gifts and talents God has given you.
Name calling and teasing often derives from a spirit of comparison. When kids practice renewing their minds, they are less likely to be caught in a cycle of comparison. Unkind words lose their impact and sticky-ness. (Works for adults, too!)
Sources:
Children First Canada. (2025, September 2). Raising Canada 2025: Bold investments for a brighter future. https://childrenfirstcanada.org/press-releases/new-report-vast-majority-of-canadian-kids-are-bullied-and-dont-feel-supported-in-school/
Statistics Canada. (2023, February 22). Pink Shirt Day (Anti-Bullying Day). StatsCAN Plus. https://www.statcan.gc.ca/o1/en/plus/3037-pink-shirt-day-anti-bullying-day
Pepler, D. J., & Craig, W. M. (2007). Binoculars on bullying: A new solution to protect and connect children. Voices for Children Report.
Rick Warren, “When You’re Harassed and Bullied,” YouTube video, posted by Saddleback Church, 2019. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DVcCVZiAb1M
